Now that we’re about to kick off a new 12 months (according to an arbitrarily-set marker on the error-ridden Gregorian calendar) I thought the time was right to flush it all down the crapper. Never mind bollocks like singing “if old acquaintance be forgot” whilst crossing your arms and holding the sweaty shaking palms of the drunken twats either side of you at midnight (and on the subject of Auld Lang Syne: a) Most people don’t know the words, and if they do then: b) they have no idea what Auld Lang Syne means, and: c) if they do know what it means they probably don’t mean it – old friends in danger of being forgotten are probably the ones you chose not to be friends with because they’re rampant pains in the arse).
"...for the sale of Old mans eye, should old rhubarbrhubarb be forgot, blah blah blah blah... Old mans eye...""
New Years’ Eve is one of those occasions of forced jollity that never fails to make me a teenie-weenie bit Grumpy. Wa-haayyy! Come on! Get pissed and spend a month’s salary on a taxi to and from some crowded shithole of a pub where getting an overpriced pint takes an hour, with the added excitement of possibly getting your head glassed-in by the alcohol-fuelled meathead next to you at the bar, and topped off at midnight by the hypocrisy of ‘Auld Fucking Lans Syne’ followed by a violent jab to the ribs by a dozen elbows scrambling to get the single taxi that’s waiting outside to royally rip punters off. Hooray.
Ahh – that’s better.
Well, on the plus side we might be on the verge of discovering the Higgs Boson (s0-called ‘God Particle’) which could spark whole new areas of physics; our radio and orbital telescopes are identifying new Earth-like planets outside our solar system with amazing regularity (confirming that the odds of life elsewhere in the universe really do begin to stack up); and several doomsdays (as predicted by several religious figureheads) have, predictably, failed to come to pass. I’m sure they won’t run out of new doomsday dates, but you’d think they’d learn their lesson by now… Hands up who wants to be part of an exclusive God Club which will reserve you a seat in the afterlife, but let your friends and family burn just because they took a long hard look at the inconsistencies, inaccuracies, cruelties and blatant fantasies of the chosen ‘religious text’ and rejected it as the cause of most of the world’s conflict. “Let ‘em burn, just as long as I’m okay – afterall, they must have been evil/stupid/sinners. I deserve to go to heaven because every time I got the urge to kill/fornicate/steal, I turned to God and he stopped me from doing it!” Well done – you needed telling that stealing was wrong then, did you? Misguided, deluded, morally-twisted morons.
Ahh – that’s even more better.
Okay, have a good 2012 and I sincerely hope that any readers have a year without being subjected to violence, religious bigotry, and Strictly Come Dancing.
GZS
Tags: armageddon, astronomy, bollocks, christians, crap, creationism, Delusion, doesn't work, dogma, environment, evil, expensive, extremism, Faith, fanaticism, God, hoodie scum, hypocrisy, idiots, ignorance, indoctrination, insanity, insulting, intolerance, misguided, misguided morals, mismanagement, misuse, morals, morons, planet, poor service, rationality, religion, religiosity, rip-off, rip-offs, The God Delusion, thugs, Twats, unfunny, unwelcome visitors, waste of money, waste of time, we want our planet back
