“I’m right, you’re wrong. Screw you. PEACE. x”

I’ve had it with these people. The ones who clutter up message boards and forums of all kinds, just waiting to splurge their (often deluded/self-righteous/downright crazy) opinions onto ordinary folk. I can hear a few “What’s wrong with that?”s and “it’s a public forum, get over it”s. Well, I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, by (fictional) example:

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Re: UFO’s Over My House
Posted at: 12.09pm PST

Hey all, LOOK AT THIS! I captured this OBJECT today. Id just finished my daily round of taking random photos of the sky from my backyard, wondered inside to make some tea, when I started to look at the photos on my PC screen. AND GUESS WHAT???!!?? At 30000% zoom I found THIS:

MORE EVIDENCE OF ALIEN CRAFT, MY FRIENDS! WATCH THE SKIES! PEACE. COLLIN

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Re: UFO’s Over My House
Posted at: 12.09pm PST

Collin, I think the photo you just uploaded to the site of a ‘UFO Over My House’ is clearly indistinguishable from a ‘bird’. I think that, in all probability, it is a bird – unless you have other photos or eyewitness testimony to suggest otherwise.

Pete

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Re: UFO’s Over My House
Posted at: 12.16pm PST

PETE YOU ARE WRONG, IF ITS A BIRD THEN HOW IS IT HOVERING?????? I KNOW WHAT A BIRD LOOKS LIKE AND THEY DONT HOVER, AND THIS ISNT ONE!!!! I HAVE LOADS MORE PHOTOS OF THESE ‘CRAFT’ AND EXPLAIN WHY I NEVER SEE THEM WITH THE NAKED EYE, ONLY ON PHOTOS??? I TAKE OVER 300 RANDOM SKY PHOTOS A DAY AND *ALLWAYS* CAPTURE SEVERAL OF THESE INTELLIGENTLY CONTROLLED METALIC CRAFT. I ESTIMATE THEYRE OVER 100-FEET IN LENGTH – HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BIRD THAT SIZE????? EVER SEEN A BIRD MADE OF METAL????!? NO, IT’S MORE EVIDENCE OF ALIENS IN SUPER FAST SHIPS MY FRIEND. IM GLAD WE CAN RESPECT EACH OTHERS OPINION, EVEN IF YOU ARE A SKEPTIC AND MORE CLOSE-MINDED THAN ME. PEACE. COLLIN.

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Now, here’s tip for all you PEACE lovers out there: Just because the opposite to PEACE is WAR doesn’t mean that you’re safe from any form of criticism just because you sign off every opinionated, deluded and unscientific wad of shit you spew out with the word ‘PEACE’. Respect is a two-way street, which means you DON’T get to force your opinion down other peoples throats on a public forum, then (predictably) use the ‘close-minded skeptic’ card (and the ‘we all respect each other, DONT WE‘ passive-aggressive card) as if it was reasoned argument, and finally sign the whole sorry, block-caps-riddled thing off with ‘PEACE’. I mean, what in all of crapdom do you think this is achieving?? Ooh! Better not disagree with this dude! After all, all he wants is peace (awwww, what a guy…) and if I pursue this argument, even in a logical and rational fashion, it’s tantamount to saying that I want WAR! I can’t possibly retort, that would be to insult his strong beliefs and rock this lovely guys peace-boat! Mustn’t do that..!

Yes, we can rock that boat. And we must. Everytime someone signs off a crock of crap like that with ‘peace’ it’s our duty, as free thinkers and rationalists, to represent freedom of expression and reject underhanded simple-minded tactics like these at every turn. If these people don’t want their bubbles bursting by the rest of us they should stay off public forums and stick to grubbly little secret societies where everyone is as singlehandedly dumb and narrow-minded as they are.

There, I’ve said it. Peace.

GZS

Greedy Microsoft want to charge for BBC

It's what's on the inside that counts...

What’s up with Microsoft? Are they running low on cash? Not likely. If you have an Xbox360 then you’ll probably pay them around £30 a year for Gold Membership to Xbox Live – allowing access to premium content and online gaming. It all sounds fair enough, but with the BBC’s iPlayer already available on the Xbox’s two main competitor’s consoles – the Wii and the PS3 – Microsoft are missing out. And it’s their own fault:

Xbox 360 iPlayer launch delayed indefinitely

What don’t Microsoft get about this? Have they even heard of ‘value-add’ services? Do they have to charge for absolutely everything??

...that is, UNLESS you have an Xbox360.

The BBC themselves aren’t allowed to charge for the iPlayer – what the hell makes Microsoft think they’re allowed to just because a) they’re big bad Microsoft, and b) they have a ’strategy’ to charge for absolutely everything. I mean, what company seriously has the balls to make a strategy to charge for everything? Oh yeah, that would be Microsoft. They really need to wake up and smell the free entertainment. The Xbox is a popular enough console, but how many extra hours do you think people will spend on their console if thy can switch from gaming to watching TV? And if, to put it in an idiotic term used by marketers, they have more backsides on seats for a longer time, this can only be good for the Xbox brand and increase it’s offering. It’ll probably get people interested in Xbox 360 who previously only saw it as a games console rather than a media centre.

Microsoft should stop worshipping the almighty dollar and give a little back to its already paying public, for once. Besides, the BBC is ours – we already paid for it.

GZS

Ungrumpy vid of the day: Datsun 280ZX Black Gold!

Now this really did make me highly ungrumpy…

They should really make ‘BLACK GOLD – the TV series’. Or, thinking about it, perhaps not…

Oh, go on then. I’ll bet my stick-on porn-style mustache it ends up a primetime hit! Merchandise, action figures, the works! Black Gold!

Oh, and remember – “it’s so lavishly appointed, there are virtually NO options”.

 

GZS

Hoodie scum of the week: Puppy kicked to death

I wonder what’s happening to humanity when I read about puppies being kicked to death by hoodie-wearing scum.

Homo Subhumani

Actually, I know exactly what’s happening to humanity – they’ve retreated inside their homes for fear of the neanderthals outside. There is no humanity in these teenage sacks of shit – perhaps they don’t even qualify as human beings anymore, so far as having a civilised and instinctive advanced moral sense is concerned.

Hands up who knows what’ll happen to this puppy-kicking, hate-filled waste of space when (if) he’s caught. That’s right – a fine, maybe a suspended sentence resulting in a few hours ‘community service’. And that’s if the arrogant fucktard even bothers to turn up – which, as we all know, is highly unlikely. Afterall, while there’s cheap cider to be bought from the corner shop with the proceeds from muggings and petty crimes, who gives a shit about turning up to court when there’s a 2-litre bottle of White Lightning going flat down at the park.

Now, hands up who knows what should happen to this degenerate bastard.

Yep. That’s right – a damn good kicking down the park by the local community. After all, a bit of brain damage could only be an improvement… At least dribbling persistent vegetables don’t spread fear, violence and hate throughout society. I hope his parents are proud (actually, the awful truth is, they probably are.)

GZS

Into Room 101: ‘Celebrity’ fuck-ups.

Kerry “been dumped by Iceland and punched my accountant – allegedly” Katona, Pete “Babyshambles – what do you mean you ain’t heard of us” Doherty, Amy “following a long line of wasted talent down the popstar shitter” Winehouse. Need I say any more?

Look mum! I'm on TV!

Well, yes. The world would be better off without the media continually exposing people who are famous for being celebrity fuck-ups. Personally, I don’t find anything remotely entertaining about seeing yet another newspaper story about Pete Doherty’s latest drugs arrest with yet another photo of him with his ‘Crowman from Worzel Gummidge’ hair, druggie complexion and spivs clothes as he’s led into/away from court. I mean, if he’d been remotely famous for some truly excellent music then perhaps, perhaps, his misdemeanors would be worth reading about. Once or twice. Maybe. But mention Babyshambles and I can only imagine some crappy pink and neon nightclub in Essex full of slappers – the only reason I know there’s even a band called Babyshambles is because of headlines like “Pete Doherty – lead singer of Babyshambles – sent to Prison. Again”. Basically, the guy’s a waste of time and space. BANG – there he goes, tumbling headfirst, his hat flying off and his fags all snapped and soaked in his own piss as he lands head-first into my very own ROOM 101.

Look at ME! I'm back! Again...

…But his landing is cushioned by the gurning face of Kerry Katona. Let’s see – another ex pop ’star’ (allegedly) who’s screwed themselves up with drink and drugs (allegedly) lost weight, gained weight, lost weight again (allegedly), relaunched career several times only to fuck themselves up again (allegedly) and punch (allegedly) their own accountant in the face (allegedly) – probably the last person you want to take it out on when you owe a bunch of cash to the inland revenue (allegedly). So desperate for cash (allegedly) that I and other commentators had better use ‘(allegedly)’ to make it clear that we’re only reporting allegations, and therefore not open to being screwed by any ‘no win – no fee’ type company. (allegedly).

"Fame! I wanna live 'til Tuesday! Light up my pipe with a flame.. FAME!"

Amy. Amy Amy Amy. Please, someone, buy her a nice coffee-table book for Christmas called ‘The Lives and Deaths of Rockstars Who Had it All But Pissed it, and Themselves, Away’. Surely she’s heard of Hendrix? For Pete’s sake (not Doherty… he’s probably beyond all help by now) do something original. Just because you’re a pop star doesn’t mean you have to fuck yourself up – do something original instead. Or, y’know, you’ll end up spending eternity in some cosmic ROOM 101 with Katona, Doherty and a hundred and one other celebrity fuck-ups. Allegedly.

GZS

The MOBO Awards show their true colour…again.

Well, I’m afraid to say that the people behind the MOBO’s (Music of Black Origin awards) have totally disappeared up their own hypocritical arses. Their continual use of the ‘acceptable face of rascism’ (as long as it’s a black face) as a ‘get out of jail free’ card seems to let them get away with anything.

“Glasgow is a “very white” city”

The name's McKenzie. Paul McKenzie. Licence to Discriminate.

Apparently, former Mobo panellist Paul McKenzie, thinks that the MOBO’s can’t be held in Glasgow because it’s too white. He actually thinks it’s okay to say this because the MOBO’s are ” a black event with a complete multicultural umbrella – it really belongs in a multicultural town”.

Multicultural? Black event? Anyone else see the problem here? Surely ‘multicultural’ means ‘of many cultures’. Well, I’m sure that Glasgow does have many cultures – it’s just that it’s not ‘black enough’ for Paul McKenzie. Black enough? Black enough? My God, has the politically correct machine really malfunctioned to the extent that it’s ‘okay’ to make veiled statements like that without anyone raising an eyebrow? Just because he’s used “very white” instead of “too white” and thrown the magic word “multicultural” into the mix doesn’t mean he can get away with blatant so-called ‘positive discrimination’.

What he really means is the MOBO’s are meant for black people more than white people. A lot more. Does this also mean that if you’re a whitey who likes some of the musicians who are up for these awards that you’re less valued or less of a fan than a person who’s skin happens to be black? But this really reopens the can of worms I wrote about here: why black origin in the first place? It’s so generalised. What about hispanics or asians? How about half-caste people of ‘mixed genetic heritage’? Don’t they count? Is the son or daughter of a white mother and a black father only half-worthy of the MOBO’s attention? Or do they water down the purity of the ‘black’ brand?

Here’s a wakeup call for Mister McKenzie: what if it was the other way around??? What if my fictional MOWO (Music of White Origin) awards decided NOT to hold their star-studded ceremony in Leeds, Bradford or London because they were all “too black”. Holy crap! The resultant wave of outrage across the media from people of all colours would probably fill the front page of the newspapers for a month and result in debates in parliament and half a dozen new laws. But who’s protecting the whitey in all this? No one. Trampled underfoot by our own PC’ness and sense of liberal values like tolerance and multiculturalism. Personally, I think these values are good traits in human beings, but they’re open to abuse. People really must learn that black people can be rascist too, if they so choose. We have to be better at spotting passive and casual rascism which is so proudly displayed by the MOBO’s and any other organisations that segregate people based on skin colour. Come on – it’s the 21st century – aren’t we beyond this?  They don’t have a licence to discriminate just because of the colour of their skin. Like I said, imagine the MOWO’s saying that London is “too black for a white event”. Go on – imagine it. Pot and kettle, anyone?

GZS